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Soul Reflections

What if we've overcomplicated what Spirituality actually is?

Let’s be honest — the word spiritual has a bit of an image problem. I still cringe a bit when I tell people about my spirituality.


It conjures up images of crystals and incense, or people with long beards and white robes. Of a man high up in the clouds.


For many of us, it’s tangled up with our complex relationship with religion. And that’s problematic.




Spirituality in Its Simplest Form

At its simplest, spirituality is actually about developing a deeper connection. To yourself. To other people. To the world around you — the planet, nature and humanity as a whole. And to something greater than any of us individually, whether you call that God, the Universe, energy, or nothing at all.


That’s it. No doctrine required.


Most of us go through life largely disconnected from ourselves. We’re busy, we’re distracted, we’re always trying to achieve our next goal.


We react to things — a stressful email, a difficult conversation, a bad night’s sleep — without much awareness of what’s actually going on beneath the surface. We know something feels off, or that we’re not quite living the life we want, but it’s hard to work out why, so we continue to distract ourselves with doom scrolling, overworking, junk food or sex.


For us at School of Joy, spirituality is the practice of paying attention to that inner world.


Getting curious;


about our patterns, about our reactions, about our deeper needs. And slowly, over time, building a more honest and conscious relationship with ourselves.


Ultimately, changing how we relate to everything and everyone around us.





You can be spiritual and remain detached from any religion


Spirituality almost always gets confused with religion — and while there’s overlap, they’re not the same thing.


Religion offers a specific framework: community, rituals, a set of teachings and often a huge amount of conditions.


But spirituality is broader than that, it doesn’t need conditions; it just needs your attention.


It’s a calling to connect.


You might find that connection through meditation. Or through being in nature. Through creative work, or honest conversations, or sitting quietly for ten minutes in the morning and taking a breath before the day kicks off. The form matters less than the intention behind it — which is simply to show up more consciously to your own life.


What we find is that when people start doing this kind of inner work, they often describe a shift in how connected they feel — to themselves, yes, but also to other people, and to the world.


Less isolated.


Like they belong here.


That sense of belonging, of being part of something bigger than just your own individual story, is really at the heart of what we’re talking about




Why choosing to live consciously is a radical act


We’re living through a time when a lot of people feel disconnected and lost. We’re more “connected” than ever, and yet there is a loneliness pandemic.


That’s not a personal failing — it’s a symptom of modern life.


Many of us have drifted away from the things that used to give life meaning — community, ritual, a sense of shared purpose.


Spirituality - in the way we’re describing it - is the remedy.


It is a shift from distracting yourself from real life to engaging more fully with it.


And when you choose to connect in that deeper way, to notice, to slow down, you start to show up differently…


… and that’s where joy is found



 
 
 

How to recognise and embrace your High Sensitivity


Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt the mood of everyone in it? Do loud environments drain you, certain fabrics feel unbearable, or other people’s emotions seem to land in your body as if they were your own?


If any of that resonates, you might be a highly sensitive person (HSP) — and this post is for you.

In Episode 2 of the School of Joy podcast, B and Renske sat down to talk openly about their own experiences of being highly sensitive: the confusion, the shame, the burnout — and eventually, the breakthrough moment of realising that sensitivity isn’t a flaw to fix. It’s a gift to unwrap.

What Does It Actually Mean to Be Highly Sensitive?

High sensitivity isn’t a disorder or a weakness. It’s a personality trait — one that affects roughly 15–20% of the population.


Here’s how it’s commonly defined: a nervous system that processes stimuli more deeply, leading to heightened awareness of subtle environmental details, stronger emotional reactions, greater empathy, and a tendency to become easily overstimulated by sensory or social input.


In practical terms, that might look like:


  • Feeling other people’s emotions as if they were your own — sometimes before they’ve even said a word

  • Sensory overwhelm — bright lights, strong perfumes, loud crowds, or certain textures feeling genuinely unbearable

  • Emotional intensity — the highs are higher, the lows are lower, and your inner world is vivid and rich

  • Needing more recovery time after busy social situations or emotionally charged conversations

  • Difficulty switching off — a racing mind at bedtime, unable to settle until everything feels just right

Sound familiar? You’re not alone, and you’re not broken.



Being High Sensitive: The Cost of Not Knowing

For many highly sensitive people, the biggest challenge isn’t the sensitivity itself — it’s spending years not knowing that’s what it is.


Both B and Renske describe growing up feeling like the odd one out. B recalls being taught that sensitivity was something to be ashamed of. Renske experienced burnout at 25, her nervous system simply exhausted from years of absorbing everyone else’s energy without understanding what was happening.


Without awareness, the gifts of high sensitivity often show up as problems: chronic exhaustion, emotional overwhelm, a tendency to people-please, or difficulty in large groups and busy environments. Many HSPs later recognise overlaps with ADHD diagnoses — both rooted in an overstimulated nervous system.


The turning point for both B and Renske? Simply naming it. Having a framework — understanding that this is just how their nervous system works — was the first step toward changing their relationship with it entirely.

Embracing Being Highly Sensitive as a Gift

Awareness is the beginning, but it’s not the whole journey. Here’s what B and Renske have found actually helps:


1. Clear your energy field regularly Highly sensitive people are constantly receiving energy from those around them. Learning to consciously “clear” what you’ve picked up — through meditation, breathwork, or energy practices — prevents that accumulation from becoming overwhelming. Think of it as emptying a cup that fills up faster than most.


2. Learn to stay centred, not absorbed There’s a difference between feeling with someone and being taken over by their energy. With practice, it becomes possible to remain present and empathetic without losing yourself in the process. Renske describes this as the core of her own mastery work — and the thing that allowed her to spend four days at Disneyland feeling steady.


3. Speak up when your nervous system is stretched One of the most powerful skills any HSP can develop is the ability to name how they’re feeling in the moment, rather than pushing through until they collapse. “My nervous system feels very thin right now” is a complete sentence — and saying it out loud creates an immediate shift.


4. Receive support Highly sensitive people are often exceptional at giving support and reluctant to ask for it. But this is a path that’s much harder to walk alone. Whether that’s a trusted friend, a therapist, a spiritual practice, or a course community, having people who understand and hold space for you is transformative.


5. Reframe the gift Your sensitivity is why you can walk over to a friend in a noisy room and know — just know — that she needs a hug. It’s why people come to you when they’re struggling. It’s why you experience beauty, music, nature, and love more deeply than most. That’s not too much. That’s extraordinary.


Join our community here:


A Note for Parents of Sensitive Children

If you’re raising a child who cries at emotional music, worries about the Christmas tree being thirsty, has a deep empathy for the suffering of others or seems to feel everything at full volume — they likely need you to name their gift for them early.


The goal isn’t to toughen them up.


It’s to help them understand themselves, so the sensitivity becomes a superpower they can actually use.



You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

If this resonates, we want you to know: there is hope, and there is a path forward. The sensitivity doesn’t have to feel like a burden forever. With the right support and the right tools, it becomes one of the most beautiful things about you.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation in Episode 2 of the School of Joy podcast — B and Renske share personal stories, practical insights, and the practices that have helped them most.


👇 Subscribe to School of Joy on Substack to receive every new episode and post directly in your inbox. We’re building a community for people who are ready to stop seeing their depth as a problem — and start unwrapping it as the gift it truly is.



You’re not too sensitive. You’re exactly right.




 
 
 

Why Healing Childhood Abandonment Means Grieving What You Didn't Receive and Feeling the Rage

The burden of my past traumas has felt enormous these last couple of months. I carry a deep scar—an abandonment wound—that whispers:


 I will be rejected. 


And that fear has shaped how I move through the world.


How that manifests itself is in my ego mind writing others off, being mean and bitchy about them in my head. I was asked to acknowledge this wound deeply these last few days, to face the deeper truth behind this ugly pattern.


The truth is, a child part of me is trying desperately to keep me safe.



a woman holding a child's hand

The Child Part Trying to Keep Me Safe


“If I cast people aside before they can hurt me, then I'll be safe." 


This is what my inner child believes.


But that isn’t true. The pain still sits there, underneath.


The deeper truth is that I’m still grieving what I needed as a child but didn’t receive. To be seen, to be unconditionally loved, to be held close in my pain, to be loved despite it all.


Not to be rejected.


I still seek this unconditional love from others, but I remain highly sceptical, always alert to other people’s behaviour, seeking proof that they too will let me down.


And when I feel that they do, when they don’t meet my unrealistic, impossible expectations, my inner child says:

“You see! I told you!”

 

This is no way to live.



Why Understanding Isn't Enough: Inner Child Healing


When I drilled down to the truth of this, I realised how much burden I still carry from my past.


Whilst I understand all this on a mental level, there’s a missing piece of this puzzle.


I need to grieve.


I need to feel.


 I need to accept and let it be a part of me.


I need to hold it in compassion.


I need to stop trying to fix it with my ego mind.



healing abandonment trauma

 

From Thinking to Feeling: The Body Knows

Emotion was trapped inside me, surfacing in waves—tears would begin, then my mind would rush in, trying to solve the unsolvable. My ego wanted to understand.


But understanding isn't healing.


But then one day, when sharing in a voice note with my dear, safe, close friends, the tears started to come, like a river.

 

I decided it was time to allow.

 

To get in my body and let the energy flow and move within me.



 

The Embodied Experience

So, I put on some music that I knew would help me cry. I put my headphones in and shut myself away, with the curtains closed, and allowed the feelings to flow.

 

Integration: Somatic Healing for Trauma

There was grief—such deep grief. There was rage—unapologetic, ancient rage. There were tears, a river, flowing out of me.


I danced, I sang, I prayed, I allowed my body to move and stretch and hold itself.


Then came compassion, so much compassion.


And so much gratitude for my beautiful body that has carried me on this journey so far. Unending gratitude for my ego mind—that fierce protector—for trying so hard, for doing such a good job.


Because I'm still here.


Years of depression and so much not wanting to live, and I’m still here.


Stronger and braver and more connected than ever.


somatic healing for trauma

 

The Loneliness of Deep Healing Work: Self-validation after childhood trauma

Why am I sharing this?


Sometimes the path to healing looks like tears and rage and all the ugly stuff. Facing that is brave, and sometimes, I’ve found, it can feel deeply lonely too.


The deeper I heal, the starker the gap becomes—between me and the relationships I've carried my whole life. What weighs heavily on my heart is this: The adults who loved me—who truly did—also couldn't hold the truth of my pain.


They gaslighted my experiences because opening to that truth would have meant facing their own.


 I'm learning to grieve both their love and their limitations. I’m navigating my love for them alongside the realisation that, at times, they perpetuated the problem.


I’ve spent so long doubting myself.


I’m in the process (and it is a process, that’s still very much ongoing), of learning to trust myself.


To validate myself.


To validate that the pain and suffering I experienced (and still do).


But that throws those relationships into question, and it's painful, requiring a reconfiguration that feels scary and leaves me fearing loneliness.


Healing abandonment trauma requires grieving, feeling, self-compassion and community.


That’s why our joy circle is so important. This is not an uncommon experience. And we need one another along this crazy journey of healing and self-mastery.


Thank you for being here. In this space, you're not alone in the burden.


And that changes everything.



inner child parts work

 

 
 
 
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